THE JOURNEY OF NOT KNOWING

I hate that feeling I felt in the year coming up to university. The stress I put upon myself because I hated what I was doing. But I didn’t know what I wanted to do.

The truth is, I still don’t know what I want to do. But I like the fact that I’m exploring. When I think about all the possibilities out there, everything that I can create or contribute to this world, it makes me hungry for success. Not so much monetary success, but a sense of fulfillment.

Transitioning from a business field to a creative one can be confusing. Especially when your surroundings change. I’ve watched many of my close friends whom I studied with for years continue on the path we were headed down together, while I strayed in a completely different direction.

Sometimes I’m confused as to why I haven’t had to add numbers or solve mathematical formulas, because I’ve always understood school to be math and science and charts and graphs. And sometimes I wonder if choosing to pursue a creative career is going to lead me down a path of unemployment and artsy misery.

I have always been exposed to careers in business. From my family, who all work in the commerce sectors, to the many friends around me who are beginning to explore careers in finance, accounting, management and marketing. Never, until recently, have my eyes been opened up to the hundreds of other possibilities that lie in the arts. I’m eager to explore career possibilities in what I always used to regard as hobbies; writing, music, painting, design. My soul yearns for creativity and I never want to stop making and building and cultivating.

I don’t have any regrets in my decision to study communications. I admire the fact that it’s a very open creative field that allows me to explore multiple options and diverse artistic disciplines. But most of all, it has taught me that, well, school doesn’t always have to suck. I won’t always feel like ripping my eyes out from 9-4 monday through friday. I get to make things. Films, sounds, performances. Maybe I will make money making things one day. Who knows.